We backpacked in, carrying all the provisions needed to survive for two nights. Being my second only backpacking trip, I was mostly unfamiliar with what to expect but I was excited by the prospect of a new experience. Upward we climbed, one foot in front of the other, keeping the weight of the pack even.

The last stretch of trail was the most challenging. Largely expended from the climb up, reaching the most vertical incline. Never too serious of a slope but when carrying an extra twenty pounds you feel every foot. Resting on the poles as needed, I made it to the plateau that featured a prominent overlook. The overlook gazed upon a meadow still partially covered in snow and ice (this hike was mid-July.) In the distance of the meadow, there was Mt. Rainier. Watching over, saying rest here for a bit and make a home. It was dispersed camping so our setup was a tent and a couple folding chairs but home is home.

The next morning, after we settled our stuff, we wandered to an alpine lake nearby. The lake was as cold as it was refreshing, and we immediately felt our energy renewed. I wish I had the foresight then to know that the man I was with was not someone I wanted to be with. He never did anything violent or outwardly unkind, it was his ways that left me wanting.

One must be careful about who they chose to walk in the woods with –

the right company will enhance your experience but the wrong will surely take from it.

I found my mind escaping into the trees, birds, animals, so as to not hear his opinion on things. The more someone thinks themselves important enough that their thoughts should be heard over the hum of the bird or the sway of the trees, the more this is someone who does not know much about anything.

After a late lunch and afternoon swim, we packed up to hike to a vantage and watch the sunset. The hike itself was pretty – walking down through a slight valley, up to a ridgeline traverse. The valley was blooming and the ridgeline offered elevated views.

Basking in the presence of glory moves us as humans. We are connected to this earth, much more than society would have us believe, and the sight of such a mountain is inevitably a stirring thing. The more time we spend outside, the more we are shaped by the rawness of the nature that surrounds us. It is the best thing we can do for ourselves and is an awakening of spirit.

Hiking further into the wilderness, out among the wildflowers, I felt light. Maybe it was that I was no longer carrying my pack, maybe it was that I was excited to see the sunset from the vantage. Hiking upon the ridgeline was tranquil. The wildflowers sang their song and the evening light settled in. The other hikers we came upon were friendly and content, having left most of their worries at the trailhead. That happens, you know. The further you get into nature, the more real things become. The more real the song of the bird is heard, the more real the touch of the sky is felt, the more soft the color of the flower. The reminder of spirit and self. With each step, a step towards self.

At the edge of the trail, the mountain was prominent and bountiful. Dusk, a quiet hush, fell upon the valley. The pink hues lit it making it appear soft as most things do at that time.

In the presence of something so great, everything else falls away. I was astounded by the magnitude of the mountain. Similar to the closeness I felt to the heavens at the Acropolis in Greece, surely this place is near to God. The scale and size, the definition and yet the softness that radiated, almost emulated from her. Surrounded in all of her summer glory, how could one not be in awe? And yet it was a glory that was accessible, yet it was a glory that I could almost reach out and touch, yet it was a glory that softened me simply by being in her glow. The glow and the simplicity. It is all clear when you are near the mountain. I was engulfed and as simply as all living things in her presence glowed that evening, surely, I glowed too.

As I am writing I am drawn to the similarities to being in the presence of Jesus. Warm, inviting, kind. By his Goodness, we are good. By his radiance, we are enveloped. There is nothing that we have to do other than be there to be worthy. There is nothing more or less we can do than to be there to be worthy. Because of his light, we glow. Our God is a God who is accessible. We can reach out and touch and he wants to know us.  Similar to the way that sunset that night lit me up from the inside out, God warms us from the outside in. All we have to do is show up to be basked in his love.

On the way back, darkness quickly began to fall. While I was not afraid, I was hurried to return to camp as any hiker knows that animals in the dark are much more capable than you are. We had headlamps so the trail was lit and it was an unique experience to see the plants with their shadows and the bugs scurry across the trail. Luckily, nothing more serious than that occurred but I was aware of the possibility that it could.

The man I was with used to boost about (one thing of many) how he would hike into camp even at night and alone. Upon writing this, I of course realize the stupidity of this and how unwise this person really was. Experienced outdoorsmen knows two things (1) that daylight is your friend and (2) that you don’t know what you don’t know. You are never the biggest or most capable thing on the mountain.

What amazed and frustrated me with this man was his lack of morality and humility. It was as if he had invented his own philosophy and expected others to subscribe to it simply because he saw reason in it even if others did not. His philosophy was based in nothing more than his own mind of which he could not escape and I had unwillingly become trapped with. For someone who spent that much time in nature, I was astounded he was not shaped more by it. Nature has a way of humbling and I do not want to know his whereabouts now.

One example where he thought his reason superior to others was while we were having a nice meal with a friend. The friend suggested we split a salad for the table and this man went on a tirade. He stated that he must never eat salads at dinner because he always eats salads at lunch. The fragility of his state is equally concerning when you consider the risk of the wilderness adventures he would undertake on his own.

He was condescending, rude, and quite frankly, not that smart. He suffered from issues around eating (one time I wanted to get ketchup for a hamburger after we backpacked and he again, went on a rant) but would never acknowledge his insufficiencies. Because he couldn’t figure out how to exist in society due to learning disabilities, he insisted on calling society the Matrix or the Concrete Jungle but never realized he was existing in a prison of his own. If he was not so obnoxious, I almost would feel bad for him.

Another time, the same friend, sat listening to this man for over an hour espouse theories to me (I at the time was unknowing), the friend requested to get breakfast. The man went into a rant stating that they could make a perfectly good breakfast and why did he have needs other than his own (he didn’t say that but it was implied.) He then insisted the friend who was visiting eat the same thing as him.

His home and possessions were a mess, his personal life was chaotic, and he had no real community. The one friend who did try to support him he treated poorly. He was one of the most self-serving individuals I’ve ever been around. When I was borrowing some camping gear, we figured out that a cannister needed propane. He got it from the store and surprised me. Me, thinking it was a thoughtful gesture, was thrilled. He then explained that because he had gone to get it we then had time for sex. I am so relieved I got away from him when I did. He was manipulative, chaotic and selfish yet way too insecure to be on his own. To experience narcissism on his level was eye-opening and I have become aware of accepting people for who they are from the beginning.

He thought himself mighty. Perhaps he was afraid what he would hear if he stopped moving, stopped talking, and stopped grandiosizing self. But his behavior appeared to be a lack of respect for Spirit and it was irredeemable to me.

While we may commune together and learn from each other, Mother Earth (and God) have the final say. Anyone who can spend that much time in nature and not hear that call is not a friend to walk in the woods with. A friend to walk in the woods with is a friend who listens. A friend who can be still and quiet. A friend you can rely on. A friend who helps you hear and interpret the call.

A conversation in the woods amongst friends is more sincere than all others.

The next morning, back at camp but still in the shadow of the mountain, I wrote and wrote and wrote. I had something to say, something to record, something that was burning inside me. I never could find those notes. Often times it isn’t about the words, it is about the feeling. Writing now, if I had had my notes, would I have missed the point? Maybe hindsight, the perspective of writing from memory and feeling rather than detail and transcript, gets us closer to the soul? She was obscured by the clouds that day and never did peak out but all along the hike down, I knew she was there. By the time I got to the base of the trail, I knew the relationship was over.